The Feelings of My Final Move

Around two months ago, I found out that I would be leaving my current station of almost three years and moving back to my previous station this summer. This would be my first move after my dad’s retirement, and this news excited me—the thought of returning to a place I was so in love with, leaving my small school, and getting to reunite with my friends again. 

However, I recently realized that this would be my last move before I go to college. Never before have I had my future life and where I’d be living so definitively laid out to me. Though I’ve been eagerly anticipating my move, I am also met with a slight feeling of grief. The idea that this is my final move is daunting. The nomadic life I’ve lived is now coming to an end. For most people, staying in one place is normal and expected, but for military teens, moving becomes part of who we are. Though it isn't always easy, it’s familiar and something we pride ourselves on.

This time feels different because it marks the closing of the moving chapter in my life. While there is comfort in knowing where I’ll be, there is an uncertainty about what it means to stay and become “from” a place. Of course, I know this isn’t my final move and that in two years, I’ll leave again for college, and throughout life I'll find myself living in different places. But despite that, I still find myself mourning this chapter of my life where moving wasn’t a choice. This is not because I’m unhappy about where I am going; in fact, I am more than excited to return to a place that feels like home, but because it feels like I am losing a piece of my identity. 

It feels strange to mourn something that at times I could’ve sworn I despised, but I think that is what makes it so meaningful. The challenges I’ve experienced have built a version of me that I am proud of. Letting go of this chapter means accepting that it’s behind me, and that’s not inherently a bad thing. I’m learning that it is okay to feel both—to be excited for some permanence, while missing what is ending, because even though this chapter is closing, everything it has given me is staying with me. 

Now, instead of walking into the unknown, I get to return to something familiar that I’ve missed, and for the first time, I’m not just moving on, I am going back. And I think that makes this ending easier to hold.