Hotel

Temporary. Nonpermanent. Short term.

I walk through the halls. I cry in the rooms. New emotions, new moves, new sacrifices. Free breakfast they say. Oh yay, a new place to stay. Four walls. Different steps.

Step 1: anxiety. I shake with fear. I can’t breathe. My hard races, pounding out of my chest. Thud, thud, thud. Breathing hard. Inhale, exhale. All alone in the bathroom, my quiet place. I cry and contemplate life. Why am I here? Am I even alright?

Step 2: depression. Swallow the pill. Hopefully, it heals your sadness. A great life shouldn't make you feel this way. I want to leave, I don't want to be here. I am not worth a life, breath, or tear.

Step 3: moving. Cardboard boxes and blank walls, bare as a white sheet of paper. The sounds of the tape being ripped. My emotions are going to tip. Throw it in the moving truck out front. You won’t see it for a few months. Say goodbye to your friends, you may never meet them again.

Step 4: new school. Hello to no one. I sit alone ready to leave. Ring! Ring! Ring! A new period, here I come. Yay, school. The central place for Bullying 101.

Step 5: further sacrifices. Mom and Dad are at work. Aren't 12-hour shifts the best for the family? My sibling and I are alone. No parent in sight; I wish we were a happy family like I see on my friend’s family game night.

Step 6: deployment. The cherry on top. The cherry is supposed to taste better, but it tastes like cold, rainy weather. Tears and FaceTime. If you loved me, wouldn't you be here? My eyes start filling with so many tears.

I hope you have enjoyed your stay. Come back again someday. On to the next place, hopefully, better than the last. The steps never stop growing. My life goes from step to step, back and forth again and again. I don't fit one section. I am a military child, I am a human being with feelings.

And I live in a hotel.