Unexpected Duties and Unexpected Emotions

This article was sent to us by Honor L., an 11th grader Navy brat stationed in California. Do you have a story to share with your fellow military teens? Visit our guest contribution page to find out how you can submit to Bloom!

Many people think that the only time a military parent isn’t present is when they are on deployment. I’ve had trouble explaining to civilians over the years that just because my dad can’t make it to an event doesn’t mean that he is on deployment.

In reality, the duties never stop (which I know is part of the job, trust me, I’m a junior in high school). “Out to sea” doesn’t mean deployed; it just means “gone for a while.” Yet, it still invokes a weird sadness in me. I know that it’s not as long and is usually not dangerous, but I seldom know what’s happening when my dad goes out to sea.

Also, there are conferences and random work trips that always seem to come up out of nowhere. I know they must be important, but it drives me crazy. My dad is supposed to be home, but nope, he’s in Fallon. Why is he even in Fallon? It doesn’t even border the water! There are investigations, TDY, being “home” but actually being on a teleconference for four hours on the couch, and it all feels so out of my control.

With the government shutdown, I started to realize how little control people have over their own schedules. Besides the obvious fact that military personnel still had to go to work, the days off that my dad was supposed to have got removed. This is commonplace, but it still feels exhausting. My dad is the most reliable guy I know, and the fact that his schedule is so up-in-the-air was stressful for him and my entire family.

I was supposed to go on college visits with him. We had scheduled everything out months in advance so he could take leave and come to ROTC tours with me. I was scheduled to go to UW, Berkeley, and Stanford. A few weeks later, we got word that he would have to go to sea. Fine, whatever. It's another day in the life of a military kid. I went to these visits on my own, staying with family friends, and they were still amazing; however, I just couldn’t get the pit out of my heart that my dad couldn’t go on this special and exciting trip with me.

My civilian classmates take their parents' involvement for granted. When their parents show up to events or go on tours with them, they feel embarrassed and act “too cool” to interact with their family. I know it’s not stupid to feel a sense of lacking when my dad is not there for something, it just brings me back to a mindset that I haven’t really had since I was little and he was deploying a lot.

I know that my dad’s work is important, and so do some of the non-service members in my community, but the platitude, “Thank you for your service/your family’s sacrifice,” just doesn’t fill the empty hole in my heart where more time with my dad should be. It feels like this statement is just to make military families stop talking about their struggles, like a “thanks, now be the quiet 2.5 million whose sacrifices our national defense is built on.”

All this is to say, we don’t have to be silent, strong pillars about the everyday reality of life as a military family. It’s okay if we aren’t the stereotype: perfectly mature and strong, capable of dealing with hard situations. Sometimes it’s okay to be bitter about your parent coming home at 10 pm for the third week in a row. It’s okay to cry about TDY.

Yes, military children are strong, and we are multifaceted -- we don’t have to be one-dimensional. I know that other military brats reading this are having these experiences too, and that’s what gives me the strength to keep doing my homework, going to see colleges, and living my life. Love you all out there.