A Momentary Home

I first stumbled across the word “hiraeth” on TikTok under a video titled “beautiful words that describe obscure emotions.” After skipping through the slideshow and periodically jotting down new vocabulary to cram into my AP Lang essays, one word caught my eye. “Hiraeth” is a Welsh word, and while it doesn’t have a direct English translation, it is commonly described as a certain complex type of homesickness, sometimes for a home that was brief or nonexistent, or even one that can never be returned to. 

Under the video, all of the comments seemed to be marveling over the beauty of words such as this one, either dreaming up fantastic stories and prompts that captured their essences or relating them to their own experiences, painting their own connections in this new light. Scrolling through the memories of the latter group, “hiraeth” and its deeper meanings slowly seeped into my mind, beginning to put into words a feeling I had possessed for years. 

Every single child of the military or embassy – someone who has moved around a lot since childhood – knows the complicated variables behind the meaning of home. For instance, I’m American, but I grew up in a myriad of different states and countries. 

My childhood wasn’t the typical American one I always saw in my Disney Channel shows, but was directly intertwined with German culture. My pre-teen years were characterized by taking the subway in Seoul, South Korea, as opposed to attending football games. While I’m still American and have never considered myself German or Korean, my life and personality are shaped by those experiences, all of which I’ve considered to be my home at one point. 

I feel homesickness for my life in Germany as I do for my friends in Kentucky, for my house in Florida, and so on. Some of these places were on military bases where I can never return to (my dad is retired from the military), and some of them were characterized by the people and community who have now also all dispersed to various locations worldwide, forging more “new homes” for themselves. 

The discovery of “hiraeth” led me to dive deeper and discover that my own definition of home is allowed to be more complex than one specific place. You’re allowed to attribute a feeling of home to somewhere that existed for only a brief time in your life. Even if it was short, every moment of your existence contributes to who you are and who you become. It’s okay to feel longing for a place you know you may never step foot in again.  It’s okay, even important, to make peace with it being able to exist in your memories. 

Your own life has only ever been led by yourself, and therefore, you can’t let other people define what you feel for certain places or times, despite how insignificant it may seem in their eyes. No one will ever be in your unique situation.