Military life involves a lot of time away from those you love – parents who are deployed, or who simply work such long hours that you only see them headed out or in the door; friends made and then lost when one or both of you moves on; extended family members nearby for a few years and then distant with the next move.
Military life feels at times like being stretched thin, spread across state lines and time zones. Adding in the many demands of day-to-day life in your immediate surroundings, it is easy to lose touch with those you love. Promises to keep in touch can be made with the very best of intentions and then fail to materialize, simply one thing out of many to keep track of.
In some ways, moving away to college was like any other move, and in other ways, it was totally new. My friends were also scattered to different cities. My room was not entirely packed into boxes, and while it ended up messy, using boxes might have been a better solution. And most importantly, moving to college was not something I was doing with my family. My younger sibling had another year of high school to go, and my parents (and dogs) would be staying put. Instead of my dad being away and texting photos of hotel room views while my mom, sibling, and I watched NCIS or The West Wing over pizza, I was the one going away.
It’s true that by the time I moved in by mid-September, (thanks, quarter system) I was eager to start college, to dive into classes and campus life headfirst. But I hesitate to say that I was leaving my family behind. I would not be able to do any of that without the love and support my family has given me over the years. With constant moving, my sibling is the only person who has known me for my whole childhood – and the only person who also had my weird and wonderful childhood. My family wasn’t something I wanted to abandon, as if they were now totally unnecessary to my life.
I did my best to keep my family updated as I navigated my first quarter of college. With occasional FaceTime or phone calls and lots of texts, we stayed connected. Sometimes, though, I would realize days later that I’d meant to text something and then forget, caught up in assignments and time with friends. I realized that all of the routine interactions that make up so much of a relationship, like classes with friends or walking the dogs with my parents, had disappeared now that I was in a different city.
Through my absence, I had to find different means to connect with my family. For Christmas, I got my dad a copy of The Best American Nature and Science Writing of 2023. Technically, I gave him two copies: one for myself and one for him. I have never really been a book club person, but having a catalyst for regular talking seemed like a good way to consistently stay in touch.
Over winter break, we started discussing an article from the book every day or two, and once I was back at school, our book club tradition was established: on Saturday mornings, I would do laundry and Dad would sit down in his office with the dogs, and we would discuss that week’s article. It felt good to be learning things with my dad, one of my first and best teachers. We waited for “cow article week” with great anticipation.
As I plowed and occasionally slogged through the winter quarter, I looked forward to Saturday mornings. There was a running list of things to update him on – a cool fact from class, something fun I did with friends – and I got to hear tales from home in return. Alongside each entry in the Table of Contents, I wrote in the date we discussed it and the location – mostly FaceTime calls, but some in the study too.
We’ve long since finished The Best American Nature and Science Writing of 2023, and a few weeks before we finished it up, I told my dad that for my birthday he had to pick the next book. In honor of baseball starting up again, he picked Moneyball. We’re about halfway through that as I write this – we discussed a chapter in person today since I’m home on break, and I already have our next few books lined up.
I’m looking forward to many more Saturday mornings discussing baseball, biology, or whatever topic we decide on next. And wherever I go next, I will have a shelf of books that I read with my dad. A reminder that I can chase my dreams without leaving the people who I love, who I owe so much to, behind.
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